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‏إظهار الرسائل ذات التسميات confessions. إظهار كافة الرسائل
‏إظهار الرسائل ذات التسميات confessions. إظهار كافة الرسائل

IACP CONFERENCE NYC

HOW I PREPARED FOR & SUCCEEDED AT IACP NYC

How can I describe the perfect conference? A revelation? An inspiration? An epiphany? Grand words, highfalutin ideas for just a conference. But how does one, how do I, describe the sensation of having arrived in New York on a Tuesday feeling like a blogger and leaving one short week later assuming the full force of being a writer? Yes, I know, I am already a writer, you argue. But sometimes we each need some kind of concrete affirmation of our own belief in ourselves, a mise en oeuvre, the validation of our own self-regard. Am I a writer because I feel a writer in every bone of my body? Because sitting at a computer or with a pencil in my hand in front of a blank sheet of paper is exhilarating? Because I revel in the flow of words from my mind and coursing out of my fingertips as they clatter across the keyboard, words that I then shape and mold into a story, infusing sentences with emotions, paragraphs with sentiments, pages with meaning? Or is one a writer only when one is recognized as a writer by the movers and shakers in the professional milieu? Can one simple conference be responsible for this transformation?


Bits and pieces of an extraordinary conference,
interspersed with hints on how to prepare for IACP San Francisco:

1. I swept through the revolving doors into the Millenium Broadway Hotel in New York City as Alice through the looking glass, into a world at once real and imaginary. I felt both large and clumsy, as if every set of eyes was turned upon me, as if all of those random people littering the entry would laugh at my utter aloneness, and small and insignificant, completely ignored, as my own eyes swept the lobby anxiously searching for the first familiar face. I half expected to stumble upon a table with slices of cake labelled Eat Me! or tiny teacups begging Drink Me!

And then, lo and behold, I peered into the shadowed darkness of the bar and saw Domenica Marchetti huddled behind a drink, masked behind dark glasses, all alone. Daring to dare, I accosted her and my heart jumped with delight as her face lit up. I sat down and we began chatting away like old, old friends and I knew that everything was fated to turn out all right.

Dinner at Barbuto with a few friends

2. The weeks running up to the conference, I often felt as if I was filling up a dance card: “you Friday at 3:00, you at 3:30, you Saturday for breakfast, uh, no, sorry, taken. How about a late lunch?” Popular was I? Not so much popular as simply knowing that this was my one chance, just at this time in my life and at this point in my career, to be surrounded by so many great and influential people, to meet them, to introduce myself and to make that important face-to-face connection. One chance.

3. Business cards. Mucho business cards. To hand out right and left as a famous star of stage and screen passes out air kisses to adoring fans. Sweep into a room and begin the dance. And a calendar, a schedule carefully typed up and printed out, now smeared and hazy with pencil scratchings up and down the margins, filled with back-to-back sessions interspersed with meeting this person or that, breakfasts, lunches, coffees and dinners all perfectly aligned and ordered. I had to arrive in New York, at this conference, absolutely and completely prepared. And if that meant pre-arranging meet ups, making dates ahead of time, daring to email requests and invitations and scheduling in must-attend sessions whether I was signed up or only on the waiting list, then come hell or high water I would do it!

And I did it.

4) Opening panel presentation: The Fashion of Food. I didn’t particularly care for the whole Food as Fashion argument defended and raised to glory by the few albeit distinguished superstars who spoke to us all as one. Yes, food trends allowing for discovery and adventure, cultural mergings, new ideas, I will give you that, yet the love affair with the new and the hot began to turn sour, their enthusiasm a bit over the top. Except, I will add, for Marcus Samuelsson, whose cultural roots showed through his thoughtful points. My question asking when does fashion become fad, requesting the chosen few to come down off of the pedestal of glorifying food trends and discuss it in a more cultural light, discuss the dangers of food as fad, was brushed off as frivolous and unimportant. And for the rest of the weekend I was met with “Aren’t you the one who asked that great question that they refused to answer?” Ah, yes. Me.

When I wasn’t “Oh, you’re that Huff Post girl, right? The one who wrote that article?” Yep. Again, me.

5) Inspiring, motivating, sensationally informative panels. Dynamic presenters, personal one-on-one sessions or open to group give-and-take, questions and answers, I gathered so much information that I felt newly armed against a tough career choice, prepared to face hurdles, make bold decisions and allow my creativity to bloom and merge with something more pragmatic. Yes, we have heard it all before but possibly the fact that these panellists were speaking to professionals rather than bloggers, they added layers of inspiration, more precise information, went above and beyond mere talking points and facts. Was this conference for bloggers wishing to focus entirely on and make a success of their blog? Probably not. Was this a conference for those whose blog is merely a steppingstone to a professional career in any branch of the culinary business? Absolutely! The information culled from the sessions, the opportunity to network, discuss, ask questions, create professional relationships is beyond measure.

My favorite panels? Building a Winning Proposal, How to Turn Your Freelance Work into a Career, Oxford Gastronomica’s How a Food Can Make a City Famous and, of course, Mix and Mentor: Okay Writers, Here’s What We Want! And one hint: you want to attend a panel or session that you are only waitlisted for? Show up a tad early and just walk in, head held high as if you belong, and slide into a seat. Works. And thank heavens it did! Big things happen when you are bold!

6) Liberté, égalité, fraternité (oh, sorry, I got caught up there in the French elections for a second.) Availability. Accessibility. Equality. I was absolutely taken by the ambiance at this conference. The utter availability of every attendee and speaker, no matter their professional status, was truly extraordinary and mind-boggling (for a first timer); we all had come as equals. Each fellow IACPer was approachable. The welcoming smiles were palpable. We were all attending this conference to network, and how easy and natural it was to simply walk up to someone, anyone, introduce yourself, trade business cards and discuss projects, not only welcome but expected. Sit down next to anyone at breakfast, turn to your neighbor in a session, stop someone in the hallway. It was as easy as that. Interest, encouragement, camaraderie was the spirit of the conference.


7) Networking and recognition. How did I fare? With my suitcase and pockets overflowing with foodstuff and business cards, notes and hand outs, I left the conference so much more knowledgeable about how things work in the world of professional writing and publishing. I was offered a peek into the workings of Saveur magazine, spoke endlessly with fellow writers and published authors, understood the importance of networking via internet and in person, the delicate balancing act of humility and confidence, of give and take. I put myself, my work and my ideas forward, discussed my projects and my professional goals, seizing every chance to speak to those who could offer valid information and guidance and those holding keys to my future.

As an American blogger and writer living overseas, far off in my dark hole of isolation, my own private island where it is terribly difficult to gauge my place in the sphere of American food writing, this trip and this conference afforded me the opportunity to understand where I stood, to know how widely my words are read and to receive feedback on my work. I reinforced and solidified working relationships that had begun in cyberspace and created new associations and professional connections. This conference was indeed a steppingstone in my career and I now have so many projects awaiting my complete, constant and immediate attention. So, as the French say, “Au boulot!

With Domenica Marchetti

I do want to thank: Dianne Jacob, Jackie Gordon, Ken Leung, Robin Zachary, Dana Bowen, Renee Schettler, Nancie McDermott, Jayne Cohen, Nancy Baggett, Giuliano Hazan, Domenica Marchetti, Denise Vivaldo, Abby Dodge, Bruce Shaw and Adam Salomone.

With Giuliano Hazan

So happy to have seen and/or met: David Leite (and The One), Kathleen Flinn, Melissa Clark, Martha Hopkins, Maria Speck, Cathy Barrows, Margarent Chen Doughney, June Jacobs, Heather Jones, Virginia Willis, Michelle Jaffee, David Dadekian, Lora the Mad Hausfrau, Jessica Lee Binder, Brian Samuels, Sara Hafiz, Winnie Abramson, Mardi Michaels, Karen Covey, Warren Brobow, Gina Stipo, Grace Young, Chef Jonathan Forgash and Amanda Hesser.

2 DAYS IN NEW YORK

BEFORE IACP

I arrive at JFK exhausted yet somehow invigorated. I am back in New York where I am greeted by brilliant sunshine and a cool breeze whipping my hair. “Wake up!” the city seems to be crying, “There is so much to do! No rest for the weary, no time to waste! Excitement awaits!” Dragging my heavy bags behind me I slide through the large glass panes and out into a bustling, noisy, galvanizing city. The taxi glides along roads that I know so well; sights, neighborhoods stream by that I have seen dozens of times. Yet I am headed into a New York that is completely new to me, one seen through my eyes as a writer and not as a sister or mother. I left New York three years ago in tears having hugged my brother goodbye for the last time. I left New York three years ago feeling lost and empty, helpless in the face of a tragedy that would haunt me every single day since. I now had to pull myself together and move ahead, gather my forces and become someone that I longed to be, confident and strong, able to move around the City That Never Sleeps on my own. I had to quickly replace this overpowering feeling of loneliness and self doubt with one of enthusiasm and determination. A forty-minute cab ride and the transformation is complete: cool self-reliance steps out of that yellow cab and into a new world.

I had two full days in front of me before my true destination, the IACP – International Association of Culinary Professionals – conference exploded in a fury of activity, demanding my full attention, fiery, non-stop energy and every single minute of the following four days. I had time to catch my breath and relax a bit, recharge and realign both body and mind to New York City time. I needed to shake out my stiff limbs and abandon myself to the whims and frivolity that I rarely allow myself the time and luxury to enjoy. Happily, I had others to organize these two days for me and all I needed to do was smile and follow in their wake. Jackie and Ken, Robin, Abby and Gail, Dianne had all arranged meals and adventures and I was now raring to go!

Two days filled with excitement, laughter, great food (and not so great food) and excellent friends. A lovely morning at Petrossian in the company of Jackie, Ken and Jessica and shared with Alexandre Petrossian, his wife Hélène and Cynthia Brody, PR for Petrossian, a dynamic, informative, engaging woman. A beautiful breakfast laid out for us in a private dining room, sharing fabulous baked goods, Petrossian Café’s latest yet-to-be-unveiled treats: Lemon Thyme Muffins (delicate yet striking savory-sweet flavor and the perfect delicate, light yet moist crumb), savory Parmesan and Rosemary Biscuits and gorgeous Parmesan, Black Pepper and Fennel cookies, another savory treat with a slight sweetness. Tasting each delicacy as an expert, snapping pictures and discovering, much to my delight, a selection of jams created for Petrossian by my lovely friend Wendy of Sunchowder's Emporia, a proud and delightful sponsor of our own Plate to Page workshops!

Thank you, Alexandre Petrossian and everyone at Petrossian Café!

Doing what we do best: schmoozing through cookware shops!

Lunch!

A long chat with Mark Bello of Pizza A Casa pizza school!


Weaving in and out of the city, across town, in and out of shops and food boutiques, nibbling on Chinese dumplings and donuts, ogling baking supplies and feminine paper muffin cups, the thrill of spotting friends’ cookbooks for sale in this store or that, the day passed in a bustle and a flutter, ending with a lovely, relaxed dinner with friends old and new, adding in Mitch and Margaret and finally, finally meeting David Leite and The One. My pleasure!

photo courtesy of Ken Leung

Day two began calm and cool sipping perfect café au lait and sharing oatmeal in a tiny Chelsea café with Robin. So New York! Ah, I understood then and there that I could so easily live in this city, popping out for breakfast in one’s quaint neighborhood café where the waiters know you, your table is always waiting and the sun shines warmly against your skin as you spoon up creamy, soothing porridge with just the right amount of sugar and plump sweet raisins, just the way you made for yourself when you were a kid. Breakfast metamorphosed into lunch with my girls Abby and Gail, laughter and gossip resonated wildly throughout Co. Pane as we scooped up slices of perfect pizza pie and dug into salads that brought back memories of the freshest vegetables in my Italian market in Milan, homemade ricotta and chilled glasses of white all making for one of the most perfect meals had. We shared our own stories, traded the latest news and the hottest gossip and wished we lived close enough together to meet once a week for a girl’s day out.

photos courtesy of Abby Dodge

Popping by the hotel to register for the conference, focusing my mind and preparing mentally to be all businesslike and serious, I spied Domenica hiding behind dark glasses in the bar like in some mysterious old film noir, chin down, collar pulled up around her ears. I hesitated but briefly and called her name. Her head snapped up and she recognized me with something of relief as if afraid to be seen before having had the chance to, yes, indeed, gussy herself up after her long train voyage. Well, I shrugged, it’s only me. Long chat and far-away, long-distance friends now have fitted a face, a personality, a being to the name and the words left helter skelter across Twitter and Facebook pages, long sometimes rambling comments left after blog posts.

Dianne and I have been lucky enough to see each other twice in one year and it already seems to be our own tradition to slip away and grab a few hours together discovering a city and getting to know each other just a bit better. Dinner out – a disco-like ambiance the only drawback of an otherwise delicious meal, a quick Mr. Softee soft serve ice cream eaten with all the joy and exuberance of kids following the tinny music down the street, coins clutched in their hands, tongues snatching at the cold chocolate sweetness. And finally, the cherry on top, an electric evening on Broadway! The perfect ending to two perfect days.

photo courtesy of Dianne Jacob and snapped by Jamie Tiampo

So much activity, so much eating, savoring, enjoying, friendship wrapped in laughter and knowing glances, building up the excitement to a conference that might have otherwise been started on a footing of shyness and uncertainty. It says something…no, it says quite a lot about this community that we have formed, individuals brought together by their passionate, obsessive love of food. We write, we style, we photograph, we taste and try, we comment and critique, we create and invent and inspire. And at the base of it all, at the end of the day, whatever magic spark brought us to internet has ignited a truly phenomenal alliance, a society of like-minded souls. These first two days in New York have washed the sadness from my heart; laughter dances on my lips as I snuggle down between clean, cool sheets and snap off the light. I belong here, I think, these are my people.

And the conference was about to begin….

WRITING A BOOK

THE DARK SIDE


How does one begin to paint a picture in black when one has been using a palette of green to blue to red and every hue in between? Shades of grey edged in somber coal, murky and thick with emotion. I sit at my keyboard where optimism normally nudges my fingers across the letters like one of those old Ouija Boards, mysterious forces that always seem to know the secrets hidden deep inside. I spend my life cheering others up; I write in order to find the positive of any situation, no matter how dark, a kind of therapy or catharsis, always able to stand up and walk away from the computer feeling just a bit better. But as I sit at my desk, chin nestled heavily in the palm of my upturned hand, or my body curved into the corner of the sofa pondering over the words, the sentences, the paragraphs that spill out of my brain and my heart and onto the pristine white document in front of me, I wonder what I should write about, how deeply to delve.

Every life is touched by despair, personal failure, death of a loved one, anguish and sorrow that shape who we are, if ever so gently. Melancholy that hovers over us, day in and day out, smile smeared across our face, a constant battle with our own worse demons no matter how brave a face we present to the outside world. I have been filling pages with bits and pieces of stories – my story – that will one day be organized and filled in to create a whole. A tough project under any circumstances, yet what continues to elude me is the angle: Where do I begin? How much do I cover? Is this just an enchanting jaunt through the exciting moments of my life? A humorous account of my decision to drop everything and run away to Paris? A romance to end all romance stories of my marriage to a dashing young Frenchman, just another fairytale of American girl escaping to the City of Lights to find love and passion, an intriguing tale offered up on a rose-strewn silver platter of Champagne and caviar?


Or do I go further, dig deeper, tell the “True Life Narrative” of why someone would run away to Paris, how living in this magnificent country may be romantic and enchanting indeed, filled with silliness and humorous faux pas yet scattered with tears and more difficult than others like to portray in popular fiction? I have written in a previous post about how my life is truly incomplete without the sadness that allows me to appreciate how wonderful the happiness is. Touching on my own brother’s illness and death and the gaping hole it has left in my life, the hurt I feel every single day is only part of it. The pain of watching a child hurt and angry, his mistrust keeping him from living his life and reaching his true potential is excruciating agony that has kept us awake at night and tormented during the day. But that is still not enough. The dark tunnel that I have walked through day after day, year after year, yearning for a glimpse of the brilliant light off in the distance that never comes, slogging through mud, feet heavy as in a dream… does one write about this? Devote a chapter to the obscure, bleak moments of a life, those moments that in fact led to where I am now?

There are things that I have spoken of with no one, not even my husband to whom I am an open book. Maybe I have simply been looking for an excuse to share the sordid details with someone, anyone; possibly after keeping these dark secrets buried deep inside of me for all of these years there is an inherent need to purge myself of these tortuous demons. But is there a place for this in any story I could tell? But if truth be told, my truth, then how can I possibly write bits and pieces of my life without speaking of the essential, of what makes me me? Ah, painting a picture in brilliant reds, feminine pinks, soothing blues, cheerful yellows, by necessity there needs be spots of black, streaks of grey hovering at the edges; silent ghosts and chimeras peeping around the joy, laughter sometimes muted by silent tears.


And why do I write at all? To what purpose? I love the physical, the intellectual, the emotional act of writing; like a joyous, rambunctious childhood game or a very-adult sensual experience, it is exhilarating, exciting, even liberating; frustration and dissatisfaction transformed through concentration and hard work, blood, sweat and tears! into the perfect phrase, the perfect sentiment, an idea captured in black and white just as I imagined it. Yet the goal, that intended purpose, is hidden behind all of those descriptive, perfect words, sneaking in unexpectedly, surprising the reader with meaning. Thus giving this author an even deeper sense of satisfaction and purpose.

And why write a book at all if it is not to convey a message, weighty with substance? Every book must have some significance if one doesn’t want to fall into the domain of fluff. I ask myself these questions as my fingers fly across the keyboard. I am a writer with a passion for writing about food and culture, a goal to create pieces for magazines, so why this yearning to write a story of my life, or at least convey bits and pieces of that life, sandwiched between two covers? These questions grow larger each and every day as this craving grows stronger, as the thoughts and ideas take shape in my head, as my goal becomes clearer and now it has all spilled over onto my humble little blog, a blog that will slowly transform with my own transformation. Life, after all, is a feast.

And then we return to the question of darkness.

CHOCOLATE CHIP PECAN BUTTER HORNS

RUNNING ON EMPTY


I used to be funny, and perhaps I’m not anymore. It may be that I have become rather grumpy because I’ve seen so many things that have offended me that I cannot deal with in terms of laughter.
- Kurt Vonnegut


My mind is a blank. Empty of thoughts, void of ideas. As he stomps around the house, pacing circles around my desk, ranting about his overload of work and too many projects sending his mind shooting in a thousand different directions at once, I sit and stare up at him, absolutely silent. Blank. Empty of thoughts, void of ideas. He raves about the impossibility of working correctly or efficiently, how his mind is pulled in too many directions at once, yet he then dashes back to work and I hear furious typing, occasionally interjected with mild cursing and the smack of an open palm brought down sharply upon the flat of the tabletop. Up and out he pops again, smile splashed across his face as he shouts Success! one more time; his dissatisfaction and anger leashed and channeled into positive energy. I stare at him and offer him a smile, truly happy for his accomplishments, yet I sit here quietly and feel woefully inadequate and lost.

A mind jumping with imagination and bright with creativity was my lot in life. Stories tumbled from my fingertips as they danced across the keyboard. A lifetime of reading, a childhood filled with little more than books, filled my head with bright words and colorful language, moving images, a jumble of characters. I possessed the capacity to travel through time and space, dazzling myself with my ingenuity, often spending hours sitting and chuckling at my own cleverness or sighing as I etched out some perfect romance. Frustration, I knew, was all part of the game; writing, as with any craft, was often laborious, taking more than a fair share of effort and energy to find the inspiration, massage and manipulate it, squeeze and stroke, pull it apart and push it back together again until one finds the perfect form and shape to express one’s desires, to tell the perfect story. Yet, this blankness spreads and fills my days; something has come and stopped it all cold and turned my light and colors dark.


An idea, like a ghost, must be spoken to a little before it will explain itself.
- Charles Dickens

Ideas flit through my brain; I grab at them like so many butterflies yet they slip through my fingers and flutter away. My hands, holding little more than dust and air, fall dull and lifeless to my sides as my eyes search in vain for more pretty, ethereal beasts, waiting impatiently for them to cross, within easy reach, in front of me. Ever-elusive thoughts, fleeting fancies, musings hazy and without form dash and dance before closed eyes, laughing and mocking me. I stand here in my misfortune and attempt, alas, in vain, to find the words to play upon this predicament, my frustration. A writer writes, always, as the saying goes, and I begin to wonder how much faith I should put into these words. Do we simply set ourselves up for failure or is this in truth a sign that I am neither looking in the right direction nor reaching far enough. Just moving aimlessly around my own dilemma as if avoiding eye contact when in reality, if I had the gumption, I should turn and face it front on, grab it by the lapels and shake it silly.

Many friends who know me well have attempted to convince me that limiting myself to food, defining myself as a food blogger is too restraining, boxing me in and limiting my creativity and writing. I have long wondered if a total renovation isn’t called for. Life is, after all, a feast, and I may have to admit that it may just not all be about the food. Yet food defines me – us – in so many ways. We teach and inform, share and pass on our cultures, languages, religions, our heritage through what we cook, serve and eat. Food brings us together as few things can, giving us a reason and a topic around which we form a conversation. Boeuf à la Communication? I do find myself more and more wandering off into untraveled territory, roaming the countryside, so to speak, and chewing on topics that have little to do with food. Yet where would I fit in? Who would come and visit? And would anyone respond, sharing their own tales and tribulations? I’ve asked this of you before, and take comfort in your response, your encouragement.

I have so many stories hidden inside of me, ripe for the telling. Secrets dark and private yearning to be written about. I long to bust the myths and fantasies that others perpetuate about life in this land of romance and lights, the day to day realities where men are not all seductive, women not all chic and slim and children far from well behaved. I make light of our private, personal situation, yet is it all fun and games? How does one go about a transformation and begin writing the dark side? Maybe I have already begun this metamorphosis, writing about husband and sons, the decisions we face, our growing list of projects, obligations and choices. Am I already there?


I am not at all in a humor for writing; I must write on till I am.
- Jane Austen in a letter to her sister Cassandra, October 26, 1813

Blasé. Grumpy. Cynical. I need to shake myself off, find my footing and begin moving forward. My men hover and revolve around me as if I am the sun, grab onto me as if I am their anchor. All four of us are now home together, each one of us starting new careers, new professions, new projects and new adventures, stepping on each other’s toes and demanding attention, and this certainly has the power to discombobulate and distract! Quite possibly, I spread my attention too willy-nilly, allow my commitments to wander wide and far, engrossed by two many projects and my family that my mind jumps back and forth at random. Yet shouldn’t this actually inspire and be a source of enthusiasm and stimulation? Maybe I need to throw myself wholeheartedly into what I have already begun, turn the short stories into a novel, bare my soul, share my secrets, unveil my desires. So where does this adventure start and how do I get there? Shall I clean the slate and begin anew?


My wonderful, talented, funny friend Lisa of Parsley, Sage, Desserts & Line Drives is hosting this month’s Bread Baking Day, a challenge created by Zorra of 1x Umruhren Bitten, that I have long participated in and loved. I promised that no matter what was going on in my life I would bake for her this month. BBD #47 is all about Bread & Chocolate (there is nothing better!); this was the perfect opportunity to turn to the pages of my own mother’s old Sisterhood of Temple Beth Shalom (Satellite Beach, Florida) cookbook Our Favorite Recipes (c. early to mid-1960’s) that I purloined from her kitchen cabinet. The paper is stained and torn, the cover faded, the plastic rings binding the pages together disintegrates into tiny pieces each time I pick it up. My funny mother who hated to cook was actually the Cookbook Committee Chairman, which I find absolutely comical! I find her own recipes throughout; many I remember, some are foreign, eliciting no memories.


This recipe for Butter Horns is not hers, but a creation of Marlene Keilsohn, who I do not remember. Butter Horns, which are actually in the shape of crescents (although they have the tendency to blow up like the Michelin Man), are light, delicately sweet, butter and egg-rich brioche yeast dough although very quick and easy to make. Once the dough rises overnight in the refrigerator, it is divided and shaped into crescents, rolled around a filling of cinnamon sugar, chocolate chips and chopped nuts – or really any sweet filling you please. Baked, these babies puff up and offer you a stunning brioche roll, absolutely delicious. And I share these scrumptious treats, perfect for both breakfast and snacktime, with Lisa for BBD #47!


I would also like to send these to my friend Susan of Wild Yeast, for Yeastspotting, her weekly event highlighting all things yeast!


BUTTER HORNS WITH CHOCOLATE CHIPS & PECANS
From Our Favorite Recipes of the Sisterhood of Temple Beth Shalom, Satellite Beach, Florida

Dough:

1 package (8 g) dry yeast
¾ cup (150 g) granulated white sugar
1 ¼ cups (300 ml) milk (I used 2% lowfat)
½ lb (225 g) unsalted butter, softened to room temperature
3 large eggs at room temperature
1 tsp salt
Grated zest of 1 small lemon
4 – 5 cups (560 – 700 g) flour + more for kneading

Filling:

A couple of tablespoons melted butter
¼ cup (50 g) granulated white or light brown sugar
¼ tsp ground cinnamon
½ cups or more mini chocolate chips or chopped chocolate
½ cup or more chopped pecans, walnuts or blanched almonds

Prepare the dough the day before:

Place the yeast with 1 tablespoon of the white sugar in a small bowl. Gently heat the milk until it is lukewarm or body temperature. Pour the warm milk over the yeast and sugar and allow to activate, about 15 to 20 minutes for active dry yeast, 20 to 30 minutes for traditional dry yeast; there should be a thick head of foam about an inch thick on the top and no more or very few grains of yeast left.

Cream the butter and the remaining white sugar together in a large mixing bowl. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating just to combine after each addition. Beat in the salt and the lemon zest. Add the activated yeast water and beat on low just to combine. Beat in 4 cups of the flour 1 cup at a time. Then beat in the remaining cup of flour a little at a time, adding just enough to form a sticky dough (I added the entire cup). Scrape the dough out of the bowl onto a floured surface – the dough will probably be sticky if not downright wet – and knead for a few minutes, adding flour as needed, until the dough is homogeneous, very soft, smooth and supple yet no longer sticky.

Place the dough in a large, greased or buttered mixing bowl, cover tightly with plastic wrap and place in the refrigerator overnight.


Prepare the Butter Horns:

The dough should have doubled in size overnight. Remove it from the refrigerator and allow it to come to room temperature (or mostly) – I took the bowl out when I finished breakfast and got to the Butter Horns once everyone had eaten, kitchen cleaned and I had washed and dressed! Perfect!

Scrape the dough out of the bowl and knead briefly. Cut the dough into 10 pieces (12 is fine and will simply make slightly small Horns). Roll each piece out on a lightly floured work surface to a round of about ¼-inch thick, about 7 inches in diameter. Lightly butter each round with the melted butter.

Stir the granulated light brown sugar together with the ground cinnamon. Sprinkle the buttered rounds of dough generously with cinnamon sugar then sprinkle with chocolate chips and chopped nuts. (Remember that the dough really puffs up, so add more chocolate chips than less or they may be lost in the dough once baked. I also left about a quarter-sized rough chip and nut free in the center and you will understand why once you begin rolling the crescents.)


Gently press the chocolate chips onto the surface of the dough with the side of your rolling pin using gentle pressure – this just keeps the chips and nuts in place when rolling them up. I also made the circle of dough a bit wider. Using a sharp knife, cut the rounds into quarters. Roll each quarter up tightly, starting with the wide towards the narrow end/point. Press the point onto the crescent to seal. Place each roll on a parchment-lined or greased baking tray, point side down, and shape into a crescent. Leave room between the crescents for rising and spreading.


Cover each baking sheet loosely with plastic wrap and let the crescents rise for 2 hours at room temperature until doubled in size.


Preheat the oven to 350°F (180°C).

Remove the plastic wrap and bake the Butter Horns for 15 to 20 minutes until evenly browned and nice, deep golden. Gently lift to make sure the underside has also browned.

First batch, less filling.

Second book more filling.

Remove from the oven and brush with more melted or soft butter while still hot, if desired (this gives them a nicer color).


Once cooled (or just warm) you can drizzle the Butter Horns with Powdered Sugar Glaze (1/2 cup powdered/confectioner’s sugar + about 2 teaspoons milk) if you like.


REMEMBERING

The small flag we found planted in front of mom's house the morning of 9/11

For some, life is divided into pre-9/11 and post-9/11. For others, pre-Katrina and post-Katrina defines their world and dots their conversation. In my own private world, everything changed the day my brother died.


10 years since 9/11, 6 years since Katrina, just 2 years since ALS, Lou Gehrig’s Disease, took my brother from me and tipped my world askew. Tragedy and disaster come to each of us in ways both large and small and split our life in two. Before and after are the only words we find to give expression to the pain, articulate how the sadness and loss fill our days and nights, communicate our incomprehension. As I sat and watched the families of those who died on 9/11 collapse into tears even ten years later, all that I felt bubbled up uncontrollably to the surface and I understood how they felt. The wound remains fresh and bleeding, a gaping hole filled with hurt and memories.

And we hold on even as we counsel ourselves and each other that time will heal the pain and we will move on. We revisit the memories, coax up the answers to Where were you when? and What were you doing when? We may feel guilty for letting go, feel a responsibility to those whom we lost. We analyze over and over, relive the moments before, during and after again and again, wondering if we could have, should have done things differently, helped more, been aware of the signs, taken precautions or been there to hold someone’s hand. And maybe we are simply afraid to let go, fear the forgetting. We dread the moment we forget the sound of their voice, the touch of their hand, as their laughter fades into wind and we mourn the loss of childhood memories one by one. And so we turn back and hold on in as tight a grip as possible.

August melts into September and autumn appears on the distant horizon. I wait for the magic of leaves turning to gold and ruby, the gentle kiss of the breeze cool against my skin and the dipping of the sun leaving a burning pink smear of brightness across the late afternoon sky as it does this time of year. Images of Katrina splash across my television screen for days, weeks then quickly metamorphose into billowing puffs of smoke framing streaks of silver against pale blue, searing heat orange and black to a soundtrack of fear. Leaving, now, as quickly as it arrived, reliving the past, honoring the heroes and wondering how these tragedies changed our lives. Are we stronger, more confident in our purpose, more determined to live each day to the fullest? Or are we wary of the world, feeling betrayed and confused, angry that something or someone, that our dream was taken away from us? We deplore the loss of our own wide-eyed innocence, that magical part of our life, the end of childhood.


I often think about what purpose serves a food blog and what is “permissible” to write about. Am I limited to talking only about food and restricted to discussing why I baked this dish or that cake? Pretty photos of farmer’s markets and mouthwatering images of rich desserts framed by a flawless life, laid out to perfection on a picnic table strewn with rose petals and cheer are certainly what we aim for, titillating the tastebuds and teasing the imagination, inviting each and every reader into an always-warm, cozy kitchen or out for a exciting voyage. But what do we do with the sadness and hurt, the destruction and the failure? How do we share the unsavory events of a life while passing out plates of sweets? Do we treat our readers as friends or as simply clients come to have a good time?

Should my life be an open book with all the ups and downs, the successes and failures, the dilemmas, tragedies and loss nestled in a cozy embrace with the sweet memories and happy times? Or should I portray a perfect, fairytale life where my sons are always delightful, my husband always loving, my kitchen always clean and my world always utopian? Shall we stand at the door of each and every 9/11 or those last few days of a dark and watery August and only talk of hopes and dreams, the blessings that we count every day or do we ponder the destruction, commemorate the heroic and cry over the dead? I find it incomprehensible that some can smile and look on the bright side without understanding the dark events of a lifetime. Contentment is often born of anger, happiness delivered on a bed of misery and loss. That perfect romantic dream, that ideal home and family is illusory. We are all just a little broken somewhere, and I love my friends who don’t try and hide their faults or their scars, who, like me, laugh at their own foibles and live their honesty on their sleeves.

Joy and love fill my life, touch it every day, yet that life is truly incomplete without the sadness that allows me to appreciate how wonderful the happiness is.

Michael and his dog Buster

Another photo of me and Michael

As I stood over my brother’s grave, brushed wisps of dead grass off the headstone, as I measured the footsteps between him and our father lying under a similar square of bronze, I thought about what I owe him, not only my responsibility to keep his memory alive but all that he had done for me in my life, his never-ending support and encouragement, his laughter and his jokes, his wisdom and guidance. I weep in sadness and clench my fists in anger at the injustice of it all, and know that before and after shape my every day, pepper my thoughts and color my world in shades of soothing pink to steely gray. September 15 comes but once a year yet I mourn his passing, my loss, every single day. We remember so we never forget.

August 29

September 11

September 15

The walls we build around us to keep the sadness out also keep out the joy.
- Jim Rohn




Just a few announcements:


I am flying off to the Sultanate of Oman where I have been invited by the Young Presidents' Organization to be the keynote speaker for a chapter cultural event. I will be speaking on Food & Culture.


This week, I and Life’s a Feast have been featured on Toronto Cooking. For their Spotlight on Italian Cuisine, I offer you my own take on the much-loved Torta di Ricotta with a delightful, creamy Plum-topped Ricotta Tart.


From Plate to Page has a new look! A nod and a hug to Meeta, Ilva and Jeanne along with two of the men in my life who together have created a new Plate to Page logo and website! The look has changed but the content is just as exciting: the original intensive hands-on weekend Food Writing, Styling and Photography Workshop as well as guest posts by professional food writers, food photographers and stylists, prop stylists and more offering you their look into their own fascinating world. Stay connected for all the news and updates!

CHOCOLATE BLUEBERRY MUFFINS

EATING : MY AMERICAN EXPERIENCE


I always put on a few pounds whenever I come back home to visit. Donuts and hamburgers with everything on it (not to mention the fries), milkshakes and pizza; no matter how I try and stick to the salads, fresh fruit and good sense, the pull of the foods I grew up on is too strong for me. My self-restraint melts away in front of each diner, my self-control stays out in the parking lot, withering in the scalding Florida sun as I stroll the aisles of my favorite supermarket and the constant, endless parade of restaurant menus scream out to me, grab me by the arms and shake all reason straight out of my head, luring me with the fried, the barbecued and the cheesy. And the fun of being 16 again holds too great a charm, popping out to a favorite haunt with friends, sitting over baskets of goodies, sipping soda or beer and giggling over old times. But as the jeans get a tad snugger, the zipper that much harder to pull closed, I scold myself for my gluttony, that evil little voice whispers in my ear reminding me how I will feel when I return to France and I try and muster up the courage to shake my head no and wave away the next temptation.

But this trip home, I decided to leave my guilt packed up in my suitcase and indulge! A weekend in New Orleans netted incredible beignets, dense yet airy and oh-so chewy, hidden under an abundance of snowy powdered sugar; pralines and turtles nibbled while on a stroll through the French Quarter; perfect macarons and chocolates at Sucré; fried oyster po’boys prepared by Pierre Maspero’s for an IFBC meal. The traditional Mocha Frappuccino shared with my mom once home on the range and platters of ribs slathered with thick, tangy, spicy sauce and served up with loads of fried potatoes and a cool, crunchy dill pickle, a meal best eaten with at least one of my sons, arrived hard and fast practically straight from the airport. Yes, I have always been a glutton, food my Achille’s Heel, and each time I step out of the airport into the sultry heat of a Florida summer evening a wave of nostalgia sweeps over me, bringing me back to the best place of my youth: food.


You can never go home again, the old saying goes. Yet they also say that every time we return home, we each become the child we were again. The truth lies somewhere in between, at least where I am concerned. I feel older, wiser, foreign, somehow. I never really felt like I fit in here. Surrounded by schoolmates blossoming into tanned, leggy young women, their straight, shiny blond hair flowing down their backs, fluttering in the breeze, pretty, confident and popular I was the eternal pal, the Plain Jane, the ugly duckling; there were lots of hallway “hellos”, yet no party invitations, lots of friends but never part of a group, just one step outside. I also realized that I felt I just didn’t have that much in common with many of these people, never enjoyed the Beach Bunny lifestyle, didn’t feel really at home where I was. I felt marooned. And I yearned for more, something unconventional, something extraordinary. So I packed up and left, returning only occasionally, each visit home from a world more foreign and distant. I truly became a different person, a new woman. I grew and changed, learned new languages and habits, adapted to a new way of life and found a world where I felt comfortable, myself. Yet I kept one part of my American life close within reach, the foods I loved and grew up on. Comforting when I feel too far from my family, familiar when the world around me feels strange and alien.

So when I get to Florida and settle into my old bedroom, something clicks in and the cravings wrap around me like an old sweater, promising me comfort and love like a favorite doll. Food and TV and shopping, the trilogy of what bonds me to my mom, is a fatal attraction, an enticement that I have no control over because it is irrevocably linked to home. From the moment we drive over the bridge, the dark water of the Indian River bobbing lazily below my feet, and the ocean rushes forward, waves crashing up onto the beach appearing on the horizon, the hunger wiggles up and bites me, settling in. And doesn’t leave until each and every wild, fried, sugary craving is satisfied.


And part of that experience of home is reliving my youth… but better. As I now sit with old friends become new over beers and glasses of wine, all the talk of parties and surfing, parties and school events, pranks and parties just flies over my head. I smile and nod and admit that I never attended, never partied or hung out at the beach, never drove up Tropical Trail late at night or crashed at this one’s house or the other. They stare goggle-eyed and tease me and ask how I ever got through those years. Well, honestly, I guess I stayed at home curled up with a good book and ate. But each trip back, I make up for missed opportunities, live adventures I didn’t the first time around, and happily I find friends to pull me into that magic circle and relive our teen years again. But only better. I went to my very first high school football game last Friday night. Sure, make fun of me if you will but the truth must be told. It seems to be almost un-American not to have attended at least one football game while in high school, but it apparently escaped me. No gang of friends to hang out with, not much of school spirit where sports were concerned, I avoided the rah-rah’s and the cheers, feeling less than foxy in front of the oh-so hot pom pom girls, and just was not that interested. But my friend Terri and her husband Fred picked me up and brought me to the game, which we watched from the sidelines (not the bleachers) like the VIPs that we are. The heat eased in the elegant, lazy warm ocean breeze and we wandered around the track that circled the field back and forth, went and ogled the pizza and hot dogs being sold from rickety tents and metal folding tables, the corner of the playing field the most crowded.


Fascinated by the whole American eating thing, the myths and the realities, the traditions and the shocking eatables I read about from afar, all that I wanted to capture and write about, as the smells of frying and grilling waft up and around me, tickling my nostrils and my fancy and urging me to eat, I decided to take photos of the foods that typified this culture, all that crossed my path. Outdoor festival and fair food in my city of Nantes has similarities with this American experience, yet the grilled, spicy merguez sausages stuffed in a chunk of baguette and slathered with mustard followed by cones of fried, sugared churros are balanced out with crêpes hot off the griddle, platters of succulent raw oysters and steaming bowls of marinated mussels. Not so here… as I casually walked up behind this stranger and kindly asked him if I could snap a picture of his hot dog (only to be scolded and laughed at by a shocked Terri), as people lined up for boxes of pizza and ice cream treats, a delightful and surprising announcement boomed over the loudspeaker exciting me and titillating my curiosity more than my tastebuds: right after the game, fried oreos would be sold from a special food booth in the church parking lot across the street right after the game. Whoopie! Who would ever have thought that I would come even remotely close, find myself face to face with any one of these incredible, uniquely American battered and deep-fried foods that I have been reading so much about with shock, amazement, amusement and, need I add, disgust?

Terri and I impatiently waited for the end of the game and immediately ran across the street like two high school girls looking for a hot party with hot surfer guys. The smell reached us as we made our way across the dark parking lot, the bright glare of the overhead streetlamps creating brilliant circles of blinding sunlight on the black tar. We pressed into the crowd pushing towards the folding tables lined with frosty sodas and bottles of water. Red tickets clutched in our hands, we watched as the hot, sizzling breaded snacks were lifted out of the bubbling oil and nestled into white paper napkins one by one. We waved two tickets and nodded as the church lady held up two and we walked out of that parking lot, back towards the car staring with disbelief at our treasures, afraid, truly afraid to be the first to take a bite. After taking photos in the dark, we dared the other to be the first, laughing at ourselves and at our own fear. Then finally, finally, we both bit into this culinary curiosity at once, chewed slowly, savored, and finally, eyes closed in pleasure, admitted that, in fat, they were pretty tasty. And as I relished the experience, as I wondered that I was eating and enjoying this fried oreo, I thought to myself with a smirk on my lips: “What’s next? Fried butter?”

I baked for my mom. She buys muffins from the supermarket bakery, blueberry or chocolate chip, and eats one every morning for breakfast. And have I told you that she has an enormous sweet tooth, one that may shock and surprise anyone who sees her frail body and bird-like eating habits. And chocolate is at the top of her list. So when she bought me a small cookbook of Cupcakes & Muffins I selected the perfect morning treat to bake for her: Chocolate Blueberry Muffins. And perfect they were, light and delicate, tender and just moist with the pop of sweet blueberries in every bite. Just the way mom loves her muffins.


CHOCOLATE BLUEBERRY MUFFINS
From Cornerstones’ Cupcakes & Muffins, slightly altered

1 ¾ cups (220 g) flour
4 tsp baking powder
Heaping ¼ cup (30 + g) unsweetened cocoa powder
½ cup (100 g) granulated sugar
1 cup (250 ml) milk
1 large (American extra-large) egg, lightly beaten
¼ cup (60 ml) vegetable/canola oil
1 tsp vanilla
1 cup (about 125 g) fresh or frozen blueberries

1/2 cup (95 g) semisweet chocolate chips, optional
¼ tsp ground cinnamon, optional

Preheat the oven to 375°F (190°C). Line a standard 12-cup muffin tin with cupcake papers.

Sift the flour, backing powder and cocoa together in a large mixing bowl. Stir in the sugar. Stir in either the chocolate chips or ground cinnamon if using. I added neither. Make a well in the center of the dry ingredients.

Whisk together the milk, oil, egg and vanilla then pour into the well. Blend well then fold in the whole blueberries.

Divide the batter evenly among the 12 lined muffin cups. Use a soup ladle to make it easier and cleaner.

Bake for 20 – 25 minutes or until puffed and set and a tester inserted in the center comes out clean. Remove the muffin tins from the oven and allow to cool on a rack for 5 minutes before removing the muffins from the tins and allowing to cool completely.

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