What Happens To Our Children When We Die? Maine Man Killed Himself and Adult Autistic Son in 2010

"Ginger Taylor  commented on the pressures on families with autism and on the greatest fear of many parents of autistic children: "That is the big question -- what happens to our child when we die. .... We understand their needs better than anyone else. It really breaks my heart hearing what happened to this family. It shouldn't be like that.""

The Portland Press Herald , April 28, 2010

The recent murder and attempted murder/suicide cases involving mothers and their children with severe autism disorders are not the first such tragedies to occur.  Unfortunately the same patterns are unfolding ... the refusal to seriously address the need for decent, humane residential care and treatment facilities for adults with severe autism disorders continues,  the attempts by the TPGA and other ND groups like the ASAN corporation to suppress any discussion of the harsh realities of severe autism disorders and the effects on those who suffer from them and their families are continuing.  No one is speaking about what has to be done to help the severely autistic live a decent life for fear of being subjected to irrational accusations that to do so is akin to excusing or justifying the killings.  David H. Gorski, TPGA ideologues Emily Willingham, Shannon des Roches Rosa, ASAN corporation's Ari Ne'eman and blogger Matt Carey have all been eager to attack Sharyl Atkisson and CBS for daring to portray some of the harsh realities that affected Alex Spourdalakis and his mother.

Television (Big Bang Theory, any number of Criminal Minds police investigative type shows)  and the mainstream media generally, other than CBS and  Sharyl Atkisson and a few other honest conscientious reporters, will continue to portray autism as a quirky, brilliant set of personality traits, an alternative way of thinking. The majority of autistic adults and ALL severely autistic adults will continue to live in varying levels of residential care IF they are lucky. But if no one provides humane services, help and hope to the families and persons living with severe autism challenges nothing will change and the tragedies will continue.  The TGPA and ASAN corporate crowd can pretend otherwise but we have to speak up now and provide service now to prevent further tragedies.  We know this because it has happened before and nothing was done.  Below is my blog comment from 2010 concerning the man in Gray, Maine who shot and killed himself and his 22 year old autistic son:

Dennis Hoey of  The Portland Press Herald  reports that a man in Gray, Maine shot and killed himself and his 22 year old autistic son yesterday:

"A father shot and killed his autistic son Tuesday at their home on Yarmouth Road before turning the rifle on himself, Maine State Police said. Cumberland County sheriff's deputies found the bodies of Daniel McLatchie, 44, and his son, Benjamin McLatchie, 22, in the family's driveway at 227 Yarmouth Road around 2:30 p.m.  ... State police Sgt. Chris Harriman said ...  it appeared that Daniel McLatchie was upset about what would happen to his autistic son after he and his wife died. He was a stay-at-home father, Harriman said. Daniel McLatchie's wife, Allison McLatchie, 45, was at work when the shootings happened."

Ginger Taylor the Maine author of the Adventures in Autism blog, and herself the mother of an autistic son, was interviewed and  notes the lack of services including counseling services for families with autistic children.  Ms Taylor commented on the pressures on families with autism and on the greatest fear of many parents of autistic children:

"That is the big question -- what happens to our child when we die. .... We understand their needs better than anyone else. It really breaks my heart hearing what happened to this family. It shouldn't be like that."

Many people will undoubtedly condemn Daniel McLatchie for taking his son's life.   Some will call for more services.   Few, if any, will take the real action necessary to ensure that people  with autism disorders like Benjamin McLatchie have a decent place to live when their parents are dead.    

Few, during Autism Awareness Month, and certainly not Hollywood or the main stream media giants, will look beyond the  accomplishments of a few High Functioning media celebrity "autistics" to  even acknowledge the existence of severely autistic persons living desperate lives in institutional facilities.  Even fewer will acknowledge, without mocking or attacking them, the fears of parents  obsessed with worry about what will happen to their children after they die. 

In the end, whether it is at the hands of a distraught parent, or from life in prison like, psychiatric hospitals, it is the most vulnerable, the most severely affected by autism disorders who suffer from lack of reality based autism awareness and support services.

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Alex Spourdalakis Killing Exploited by Neurodiversity Extremist Emily J. Willingham

Parents who speak honestly about the realities of autism disorders and the few journalists who dare challenge established views of autism causation are under attack .... again ... by Forbes Columnist Emily J. Willingham, formerly known, a few years before her Forbes career, as blogger Daisy May Fatty Pants.  Not content to express her legal opinions about the outcome of the criminal charges that have been brought against the accused killers of Alex Spourdalakis, his mother and a woman described by Willingham as Alex's "godmother",  Willingham launches into a tirade against parents who describe the harsher realities affecting those with severe autism disorders, parents of children with severe autism, children who do not sit as corporate trustees on organizations like the ironically named "Autism Self Advocacy Network" corporation:

"It’s become typical, again and again, for parents who murder their autistic children to get some kind of a “pass” from the commentariat and the news media because, well, autism is “such a challenge.” That’s in part because some autism organizations and members of the news media have successfully presented autism as a “monster” and a “ kidnapper” instead of as the developmental condition that it is. So in the public mind, an allegedly overwhelmed mother with “ no supports” should certainly be pitied and not judged harshly for killing the “monster.”"

I am a Canadian, not an American, lawyer.  Whether in Canada or in the US though I would not presume to know the outcome of a judicial proceeding.  Since there does not appear to be any question about WHO killed Alex Spourdalakis,  or that his killing was intentional, and if those appearances are confirmed in court,  I assume all relevant evidence will be considered in determining what sentences will be handed out to the accused.  That evidence will probably include the stresses on those involved including the mother's mental health at the time of the relevant actions and the mother's views on why she killed her son.

As the father of a 17 year old son with severe autistic disorder, profound developmental delays and epileptic seizures I know that once I have passed on my son's life prospects will almost certainly diminish.  Now at home and school he is living a happy life by the measure of anyone who knows my son including those who know him best ... his mother and father.  My son is cherished and I would not and could not do what the mother of Alex Spourdalakis did but I can not stand in the shoes of Alex's  mother,  I have not lived the stresses and challenges she has faced.  

The realities of life with a severely autistic child can be very, very stressful and it has been often in our household.    Some people break under pressures.  To date neither I, nor my wife have broken.  As a lawyer I have some advocacy skills and I have been active in advocating for early intervention and school services for children with autism in our province.  Some people have also flattered me as being of strong character .... others have simply pointed out, probably more accurately,  that I am just stubborn. 

I am continuing to advocate for early intervention and school autism  services and for adult autism residential care services.  My autism advocacy efforts have received some modest recognition as a New Brunswick recipient of the Queen Elizabeth II Diamond Jubilee Medal:

I do not mention my modest accomplishments for the purpose of self aggrandizement.  I mention them because despite the challenges faced in our home arising from caring for the severely autistic son  we love I also have some advantages, as a lawyer with an advocacy career,  in coping with those challenges. Not all parents enjoy similar advantages in dealing with the stresses and pressures of raising a child with severe autism disorders. 

 While attending a law school class reunion brunch several years ago I brought my son Conor with me.  I didn't know if, or for how long, he would be able to manage the event.  As it turned out he loved it. The ball room in which the brunch was held, my classmates and families present were quite orderly and the food was excellent.  Conor was quiet and enjoying the view when a waitress at the event approached our table and asked if he was autistic.  I answered yes but asked her how she knew since he had been sitting very quietly, happy and I thought unnoticed.  She replied that she had 3 children of her own.  I have never forgotten that encounter or the realization that for her as a waitress, without a professional advocacy background,  and with the challenges of raising not 1 but 3 autistic children she probably faced greater challenges than I could imagine.  I have tried not to judge other parents of autistic children the way Willingham and other business sponsored "autism is a condition .... not a disorder" Neuordiversity ideologues do.   

Whether Willingham and other business publication writers,  vaccine industry sponsored writers and Neurodiversity extremists like to admit it or not when people receive an autism diagnosis, which is a medical diagnosis,  they do so because autism is a disorder not a "condition".  The term is now formally known as Autism SPECTRUM DISORDER with three levels of severity with respect to the varying levels of support in daily living required: support, substantial support or very substantial support.  My son requires very substantial support as it appears Alex Spourdalakis did. 

It would be better, instead of using his death as a launching pad for attacks on parents who do not share her Neurodiversity "autism is a beautiful, alternate way of thinking" ideology  if Willingham would actually use her bully pulpit at Forbes to explore the harsh realities confronting those with severe autism and their families and actually advocate for services for them.  But no I won't hold my breath waiting for such a great awakening.  

A US court will determine the fate of the mother of Alex  Spourdalakis.  I suspect, despite pressure from Forbes' columnist Willingham and other business sponsored writers and Neurodiversity ideologues the harsh realities of the life of Alex Spourdalakis, his severe autism disorder and the impacts of that disorder on his family will become known to the public. 

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